Masturbation Slave

It does not bother me that it’s bleeding.

It does not bother me that it is bleeding.

A day without blood is like a day without…something or other. That’s what that one fascist actor said, at least.  He may be right.

I am not worried about my fence post now being covered in red sauce or ketchup, crimson drink or the cherry syrup that drizzles onto your ice cream.  This is who I am and it is what I have become.  What have you done with your life?

My creamy, blushing palm can only smile with bright eyes as it tears away at old scabs, leaving new wounds to prove of another day’s hard work.  Ha, hard.

I don’t know if it’s the loss of bodily fluids or this scorching apartment but I feel as if I’ll pass out at any moment.  If I do, I can do so with the satisfaction of knowing that I’ve accomplished something today.

From home, in this bed, is where I work.  All day, every day: rubbing and cutting, working and oozing.  There is no slavery greater than that of our own compulsions.

I think I’ll go to sleep now.


The Oddities of Impotence (A Very Short Story)

What the fuck, man or woman or child?

I mean really, what the fuck!?

I’ve got a real bone to pick with this mirror that rests on the wall before me.  Not because it’s old, not because the framing is chipped, not because it’s smudged and not even because it’s stained with stains that refuse to un-stain themselves.  It’s because of who’s presented within the mirror: me.

That’s right, me.  All 190 pounds of white, flabby, impotent filth.

It couldn’t be Elvis or Jim Morrison or Robin Hood.  Hell, I’d even be content with John Cusack staring back at me but no, oh no, oh fuckin no it’s me.  No matter how much I smoke, snort, drink or jack off thinking about ex-lovers, it will always be me and that pisses me right off.

For years, for many years, for eleven years I’ve been forced to deal with this cruel reality.  At the birth of each morning I walk myself into this bathroom, erect yet embarrassingly rubbery, and find the urge to spit all over myself while I take a piss.  A piss hard-on.  Ya know, that kind of piss, it’s like straining to spew out boiling water for ninety seconds.  If you push to get that piss out too much you might end up shitting yourself while you stand there.  And if all goes well, by the time you’re done letting it all ooze out from your cockhole, your morning glory shall be glorious no more.  Impotent until the next morning.

So I’ve gotten the piss out of the way and flush the toilet then turn around and spot myself in the mirror.  Yes, me.  Still not Elvis, still not Jim Morrison, still not Robin Hood, still not even John Cusack.  The jokes continue.  And then my ass begins to burn and itch from the hemorrhoids.  Oh yeah, I’ve got those too.

Standing here before the reflective piece of glass, laughing at and oddly admiring my collective mass of skinny-fat tissue, I cannot help but play with my flab.  Bobbing off my toes so my tits jiggle, twisting like the 60s to watch my love handles find their own groove.  I hate this body and I hate myself.  Having said that, I don’t hate enough to do anything about it.

Funny how I represent the greatest percentage of mankind.

I Made (Another) List!


Last week I brought to you twenty facts about me and myself.  To my great surprise I greatly enjoyed sharing what I did with y’all and got some great feedback and support from some of you.  Thank you for all of those involved in the previous statement.

Having said that, I’ve decided to bring you lovely batch a second list.  Unlike last week, I’m doing so because I truly enjoyed it, not because I’m fresh out of ideas.

Maybe it’ll be twenty more, maybe it won’t be, but let’s find out together.

1.  The first horror movie I saw was the classic Hellraiser. I was seven years old.

2.  When I was eight or nine I fell into a campfire while on a family trip.  Luckily my right hand took the brunt of the damage.  After I got back from the hospital I was up all night with my father, watching “IT: The Terror From Beyond Space.”

3.  I am a firm believer in realms beyond our own.

4.  My favorite TV show of all time is The X-Files.

5.  In my mid-to-late teens I was heavy into the world of self-mutilation.

6.  Universal Basic Income, or Basic Universal Income, sounds pretty damn good in theory.

7.  My first pot-smoking experience included seeing a dead woman who had asked me out maybe 12 months earlier when she was still alive.

8.  We are indeed, not alone.

9.  I have an identical twin brother, Zach.  Two minutes younger, he is.  Don’t let the word “identical” fool you though, I’m much better looking.

10.  Five years ago in February, while in Detroit for a Cradle of Filth concert with my (then) girlfriend, our car broke down in an alley.  As a result we had to sleep under a carport for the night.

11.  Sins of my being: Wrath and Lust.

12.  You can bet your ass that I believe in the Loch-Ness Monster.

13.  The greatest day of my life was when I left the Catholic Church.  That was seven years ago.

14.  Labels=Limitations.

15.  It genuinely scares me how art, music and writing have become so compartmentalized.

16.  Learn and reflect, never regret.

17.  Within my left eye there is an obvious red spot in the coloring: I was once told this is where I store all of my hatred and anger for the world.

18.  I LOVE English crime dramas.

19.  There is no spoon.

20.  My name is not Robert Orange.

I Made A List!


Today I’ve decided to bring y’all a little something other than my weekly blog.

Wait for it…wait for it…sorry, can’t get the damn drum roll to drum roll.  Anyway, it’s a list…about me.  Random stuff I want to get out…or maybe because I couldn’t come up with a legit blog topic this week.

By the way, I wrote this in the bathroom.  I know how horny all of you just got.

1. I am twenty-four years closer to death, I mean young.

2. I am a proud atheist.  No, that’s not a bad word.

3. My roots are that of German, Irish, Native American, French and a pinch of Sweedish.  Just a pinch.

4. I love learning about different religions and lifestyles.

5. I have seventeen tattoos, I got my first when I was sixteen.

6. I am a recovering alcoholic and drug addict.

7. I do not believe that AA is the only path to recovery.

8. I firmly stand behind marijuana being legalized.

9. Optimism is a form of denial.

10. Pessimism is a form of pouting.

11. I love music!  From the Blues to Jazz to OS hip-hop to Swedish Death Metal to Norweigian Black Metal.

12. I absolutely believe in premarital sex.

13. We all suffer from something.  I, a broken heart.

14. My sons are already waiting for me in the next realm.  Rest In Peace, Michael and Gabrielle.

15. I believe we are to live for our dreams or not at all.

16. I will never be able to live without pizza.

17. My musical guilty pleasure is the song “Shake Your Bon-Bon.”

18. I would love for Gene Simmons to be my accountant.

19. For many more years then I’d like to admit, I was a Neo-Nazi skinhead.  If you don’t believe people can change, I’m living proof to prove you wrong.

20.  My name is not Robert Orange

Keep the Pennies:Be Diverse

So, you’re a writer?  This means you do nothing but sit in a room by yourself drinking whiskey, smoking cigarettes and snorting lines of coke.  When you wake up?  You drink coffee with more cigarettes, whiskey and cocaine.  Right?

Not remotely.

Believe it or not, writers are human beings.  While some writers do have moments or days or months, years even, of great isolation and substance abuse issues, present company included, our lives aren’t limited to this.  As said, writers are people too.

Writers are mums and dads, mechanics and shop workers. Writers are student-activists and gamers.  Writers are tech programmers and sound engineers, movie fanatics and gourmet chefs.  We are the secret agents of the art world but yet again, we are so much more.

Take me: yes, I am a writer first and foremost.  I am also a lover and a fighter who will kill and die for those I love.  I am an artist yet am no stranger to the grease, dirt and sweat of hard work.  I am a die hard philosopher yet I will tell you the dirtiest of jokes with a straight or smiling face in between sets at the gym.  For lack of a better term, for which I apologize for sounding so arrogant, I am diverse.

Unfortunately there’s a lot of writers out there who do nothing but write.  Or read.  Or talk about writing and reading. Or blog about writing and reading.  Maybe “unfortunately” was the wrong word but I tell you which word isn’t wrong: boring.  Very few things suck harder than boring.  Maybe “unfortunately” was the right word after all.  Nobody wants robots.

Me, personally, I’ve found that doing different things and taking up different hobbies only enhances my writing experience.  Human beings, we absorb energy from what we do so I feel that bringing those energies to what you create can only lead to better, more diverse creations.

In short, everything that I do outside of writing only helps when it comes time to get down to (writing) business.

How Can This Help You?  There is nothing I can say that will make any of you broaden your horizons or spice of life but I’ll leave you with this…No matter what you are, never allow it to define who you are.

That’s it for this week, guys.

Robert Orange


Keep the Pennies: Commitment


Today I’d like to discuss something we all know, or should, know about: commitment.  Of course I’m not talking about your marriage, that’s your problem.  I’m talking about commitment to the craft.  I’m talking about your artistic craft, not witchcraft–which is totally cool if you’re into that.

I’m sure as many of you are, I’m an extremist when it comes to anything I take interest in.  Writing, film, music, a woman: whenever  I find something worth my time I give it every ounce of my being.  I’ve always been that way and I have no plans to change.  Maybe I’m a dying breed but I’m proud of it.

Whatever takes your heart and runs with it, whether you chose it or not, you must never show it neglect.  Day in and day out you need to ride the highs and grind through the lows.  That’s what commitment is.  You do whatever it takes to give time to the things that make you, you.

How Can This Help You?  Be honest with what you want out of this life and this world of writing and art.  When it calls for it, be selfish.  You only get one go around.  Shoot for the stars and don’t stop until you get there.  Courage, honesty, integrity and commitment.

That’s it for this week, guys.

Robert Orange





By: Dash Crowley (Oct 2013)

           There I was, filled with an exuberant despair, the kind distilled to perfection only by insomnia, watching. The random microtesimal rapid eye movements and the movements behind my eyes all filled with the utter knowing that very shortly I’d be going places both disturbing and vast.

    Tremulous, the hand that grasped the rail and that was connected to the arm that strung bands of nerve up and into my spine like a capellarian road atlas of highways and byways.

    I stared, unfailingly idiotic. The behemoth stared back at me and I was filled with the tenacious wish that I’d gotten any amount of sleep. 

    Its eyes were warmachines, armored and glinting in the firelight, and they crawled countless the desert landscape of the mass I took to be its face, on every and any side of its disgusting mouths which platted and twisted over the sides of its…

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Keep the Pennies: Mainstream v. Commercial


Today I’d like to make note of something that every artist looking to turn their product into a business has, or will, face: mainstream or commercial?

Despite what many rebel purists may say, there is indeed a difference.  A very clear and cut difference.  Now, you may be asking yourself: Robert, what’s the difference?  Well here it is, according to yours truly.

Mainstream art (whether it be writing, music, film, canvas, etc…) is something that is known to all/most through fame, longevity, steady word of mouth, etc… It’s something, a product, that is at the forefront of its game through reasons listed.

Mainstream is created with the intention of reaching a number of people while maintaining all/most of the creative integrity. Profit is not the driving force.  A perfect example:

Stephen King.  Though known to every human being outside of diapers, he is by no means a commercial author.  He is simply at the very top of the author celebrity list through years of hard work and consistent product that stole our breath and peaceful nights of sleep.

Commercial art (in whatever form) is created strictly with a certain formula that revolves around reaching the MAXIMUM amount of individuals.  In doing so your earning potential is at its greatest.  Profit is the name of the game.  Some examples:

Musicians who depend on radio airplay, thus pushing them in a creative direction aimed at mass consumption.  Whether that be pop, radio rock, etc…

Also, certain authors whose genre(s) nearly guarantee great amounts of appeal: certain subgenre(s) of romance, erotica, action adventure, etc… A great example of an author specializing in this field would be James Patterson.  Wait, does he write?

How Can This Help You?  Well, firstly, you need to decide what your reason(s) are for writing.  Is this a glorified hobby?  Is this a lifelong passion or are you looking to be rich and famous?

Once you take an honest look at where you want to go with your craft you can start taking steps forward.  Formatting, wording, subject matter, niche specialties, etc…Even if you’re not looking to get rich overnight, it can never hurt to have a business plan or strategy on where you want to go in life with your work.

Unless you’re looking to publish dark esoteric type stuff or world domination manifestos, it’s always a good idea to figure out who and how you’re going to appeal to.  Creatively and financially because let’s be real, making money always feels good.

That’s all for this week, guys.

Robert Orange



Keep the Pennies: Creative Energy


Life is all about energies.  Good, bad, sad, happy, sexual, whatever.  Everywhere you go, energy!

As I’ve matured as a writer I’ve come to find that certain elements (people, film, weather, etc…) heighten creative energies.  The greatest stimulator for me would have to be film.

When I’m writing or typing or editing I’ve always got a movie playing. Though I enjoy many, many films, the greatest for me in terms of creative output are the ones that hooked me in my formative years.  No matter the genre, I reconnect with the nostalgia and original pleasure I found in the picture upon my first viewing.  As an adult, it clears my head and puts me at ease.  In a state that allows me to feel safe enough to let the voices within speak aloud.

How This Can Help You: Next time you’re in a slump, or blocked, lagging on motivation, bound up and tense: try finding your roots.  Bring yourself back to those early years of creative energy.  Music, film, canvas painting, whatever it may be.  That choice is yours to make.

That’s it for this week, guys.

Robert Orange